With the passage of time couples tend to drift apart.  The excitement of investing in each other wanes, and we often take the relationship for granted.  Major life events such as a new baby, career change, move to a different city, retirement, or illness can distract us as well.  We all change over time.  The person you married 10 years ago has evolved.  Has your Love Map of your spouse evolved with them.  Do you still know what their life goals are?  What are their fears, stressors, likes and dislikes.  You need to keep an updated information base, or Love Map, of your spouse.  This step is convicting for me.  We wife is good at remembering my likes and dislikes.  She makes intentional mental notes when I say I would like to do something or purchase something for myself.  She remembers vivid details of our early dating life.  Career can often be an excuse for failure in this area.  My work can be all encompassing leaving little time, energy,  and emotional reserve to invest in the lives of the people I care about the most.  Career pressure is just my excuse for failing to invest adequate time in my wife’s life.  If I fail to invest and spend quality time in her life, how can I expect there to be any emotional reserve when the difficult times arise, stress builds, and arguments ensue.  Being intimate with others requires that you invest time to know the secrete little details of their lives, that is why the Bible refers to the most intimate relationship (sexual relationship) as “knowing” the other person.  No matter how busy you are, you must make time at least once a week to update your knowledge base or “Love Map” of your spouse.  Get away from all the electronics and distractions.  Ask open ended questions and remember the answers.  Write the answers down if needed.  Don’t just ask the superficial/easy questions.  Ask the tough questions like, “If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be and why.”

Your children change as well.  Ask yourself, “Do I know the names of my child’s best friends?”  “Do I know what they are struggling with at school?”  If you don’t, then like me, you need to invest more time in the lives of your children.