Fear and Love can’t exist at the same time.  Instead of choosing fear chose love for those that attack you.

Our perception of the world around us is an interpretation of reality.  Our past acts like a lens through which we interpret the people and circumstances around us.  We interpret others’ intentions based on our previous experiences with them or others like them.  Unfortunately we only know a fraction of any person’s life, even our spouse.  Many of the details, painful experiences, and traumas are kept locked inside for nobody to see.  We only indirectly see those experiences through how they react to us and others around them.

When somebody lashes out in anger it is helpful to understand that we may not have all the facts.  Consider this example.  On the way to work the driver in the adjacent lane cuts dangerously in front of you as it speeds around weaving in and out of traffic.  My first instinct is to become angry and give him a piece of my mind.  How does our perception change, however, if we understand that the driver’s daughter was just in a car accident and he is rushing to the hospital to see if she is going to live?  Our perception of the world around us is merely an interpretation of reality.

Good intentioned people give advice like, “Forgive and forget.”  How do you forget exactly?  That’s like saying don’t think about pink elephants, or don’t think about blinking.  Forgetting an injustice may seem impossible.  Replacing a thought, however, is more plausible.

I struggle with forgiveness, especially with a handful of people.  These people tend to live constantly in a quagmire of fear, anger, and hostility.  I simply can’t be around them for too long. Their negative energy is oppressive.  Have you ever felt this way about somebody?

Removing ourselves from people like this is healthy psychologically, however, we still need to deal with the emotional scars.  We can’t change others or necessarily the world around us, but we can change how we respond.  We are only responsible for changing our perception.

Between every circumstance and our response we have the power to choose.

When attacked by someone we love, we feel like we are justified in defending ourselves.  We feel we must not show weakness.  What would happen if we paused for a few seconds and tried to listen to not only what they are saying but attempt to discover the underlying source of the issue?  Most of the time anger is centered around fear of some type.  What would happen if we stopped and attempted to understand?  Instead of becoming angry, realize they are reacting from a place of fear and are crying out for love.  Forgive and instead of trying to forget replace the painful memory with the thought that they are doing the best they can do.  I want that kind of grace extended to me when I offend.  Don’t you?

Jesus exalted us to forgive not 7 times but 70 x 7.  Does not that mean we need to suffer continued personal attacks – no.  You may need to physically separate from them, but you can choose to understand them.  Reconciliation requires that both parties agree.  Forgiveness only requires that we chose love over fear.

Giving love and forgiveness to another requires that we expect nothing in return.  If we expect something and they don’t meet our expectations, then feelings of anger and disappointment surface.  Forgive and love with no conditions.

The law of the world is scarcity.  We must take what is ours, otherwise nothing will be left.  In this setting no matter how much we gain it will never be enough.  The law of love is different.  The law of love is abundance.  The more you give away the more you gain in return.  To give is to receive!  Jesus said it this way, “… It is more blessed to give than receive.”

Ask yourself daily, “Do I want peace of mind or do I want conflict?”  Decide to intentionally choose love and forgiveness.  Love and fear can’t coexist.

For more on the subject read Love Is Letting Go Of Fear by Gerald Jampolsky.

Here’s to the Journey!