25 Dec The Voices in My Head

The more we hear, read, or see a message, the more we connect with it.  Think about Coca-Cola or Apple and the millions of dollars they spend to place their message in front of us.  They understand that the key is to repeat the message until it becomes engrained in our psyche.  All of us can visualize the Coca-Cola logo or the Apple logo.  Mere repetitive exposure over time elicits a positive response to a brand.  We can use the same technique to “sell” our own intentional message to ourselves.  The words we use when when we talk to ourselves, the message we tell ourselves, and how often we tell ourselves the message influence what we believe about ourselves, shapes our actions, and ultimately will determine who we become.

Before modern day positive Psychology, Napoleon Hill in his book Think and Grow Rich, understood and made popular the concept of “autosuggestion.”  With this technique he suggested that we craft a positive message and repeat it to ourselves multiple times a day.  Over time this message shapes our belief.  If we tell ourselves that we are sorry and are doomed to failure, then that is what we are destined to do.  If, on the other hand, we express to ourselves that we are special and are created in the eyes of God as a unique individual with special gifts, we will excel.

Centuries before Napoleon Hill,  the apostle Paul wrote in Pillipians 4:8  “… whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”

If you know me very well or have read my “About Me Page”, you know I was raised in a very different environment than many of my contemporaries.  My parents moved our family to a farm when I was about 12 years old.  They ditched our TV.  We grew most of our own food.  We heated our log home solely with wood that we cut ourselves.  During the hot and humid summers of Mississippi, we had no air conditioning.  Instead of playing ball with my friends, I spent many hours performing “chores” around the farm.  My parents had “strict rules” that I was expected to follow.  The narrative I could tell myself about my childhood is that I was so deprived.  I suffered without all the modern amenities and toiled unnecessarily in uncomfortable conditions.  I wasn’t allowed to blindly discover my own set of values.  I have chosen, instead, the narrative that I was so very fortunate to live in an environment that fostered an interest in reading, learning, and instilled in me a hard work ethic.  My inner voice tells me how special I am, because repeatedly I was told by my parents that I was bound for great things.  My parents’ rules kept me safe from myself and guided me to develop a healthy, independent belief system.  Some of my most fond memories of childhood are of our simple extended family gatherings on birthdays and holidays.  I get to chose which story to tell.  I have chosen the story that is uplifting.  The nurturing story that continues to support me while I press on to the next challange.

Positive affirmation is extremely beneficial, but more recent studies add a new twist.  Simply blindly repeating a positive narrative appears not to be the very best method for positive affirmation.  Individuals that repeat a positive narrative do perform better than those repeating a negative story.  The best practice, according to recent Psychologic studies by Senay,  Albarracin and Noguchi, however, is to ask honest questions about our abilities and circumstances.  Questions force us to internalize our motivation and draw on our inherent strengths.  This “interrogative self-talk” causes us by the very nature of the question to develop answers, and it is in the answers that we find the strategies to succeed.  Remember, scripture urges us to focus on what is true not fanciful delusions.   Excessive idealism can lead to a false since of confidence, an illusion of truth.  Barbara Fredrickson and Marcial Losada studied positive affirmation and found the best ratio of positive thoughts to negative thoughts is 3:1.  Anything less than that is too negative.  Most of us can understand this, but they also found that a ratio of 11:1 or greater was counterproductive.  Why?  Blissful positivity without a dose of reality is misleading.  Unfettered idealism places us in situations where our less than adequate skills fail.  Questioning our abilities, honestly, causes us to either confirm with an inner conviction and sense of confidence that we have the skills to succeed, or it encourages us to develop alternative action plans.  Those that excel are able to look at their potential weaknesses and form positive, intentional steps toward success.  Those that struggle let the internal questions defeat them and see the struggles as fruitless.  This is where positive self talk can be extremely effective.  Positivity encourages one to persist in the process of transforming.  Fake it until you become it, but develop and follow a logical plan.

What is the narrative that you tell yourself?  What do all of those voices in your head say?  The good news is that you have the power to write the script of your own story.  You have the power to write the narrative that those voices follow.  Are your voices critics and whiners, or supporters and uplifters?  You get to decide.

Review of the steps:

First, you must recognize that we all have internal voices that either encourage or discourage.  All of us have voices that feed us an intrinsic story.

Second, write down what those voices are telling you.

Third, transition the nature of the voices from declaration to interrogative.  Ask yourself an honest question about your ability to proceed.

Fourth, develop truthful/realistic strategies to address the questions you ask yourself.  If your reality is truthfully problematic, write a positive narrative, a plan of action, that will change your circumstances.  If the answers to your questions are positive, use those answers to remind youself of your intrinsic strengths and abilities.

Fifth, intentionally repeat the positive narrative to yourself multiple times a day.  Failure to do this final step leads to failure to succeed, plain and simple.

Zig Ziglar said, “Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

Here’s to the Journey!

(David W. Ball, MD, an Internal Medicine physician, founder of NuVitality Health – a wellness education company, and co-founder of Life Changing Fitness – a fitness facility for Every Body)